


One of those days.

by martaisnotatsix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, I'm sorry Oikawa, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self Harm, Triggers, but not really graphic??, i need an iwaizumi in my life, mentions of self harm, this is just me writing my own feelings in form of fanfic, triggering, why did i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6459685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martaisnotatsix/pseuds/martaisnotatsix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Iwaizumi held Tooru close, playing with his hair, not really paying attention to the movie, because, honestly, how could one pay attention to that when, in his arms, he was holding the most beautiful and admirable person he knew? The one person he loved the most in the world, his whole universe?</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	One of those days.

**Author's Note:**

> okay I want to apologize to Oikawa for doing this to him, but I needed to let my feelings out of my chest after feeling pretty bad this past few days, and this helped a bit.
> 
> Please, don't read this if you're easily triggered, okay? Please, stay safe, and remember that you are loved, even if you don't feel like it's true <3
> 
> (also, if you notice any mistakes, please tell me, I'm not a native speaker and it would help me a lot)

Oikawa could feel it right after he woke up. The moment he tried to open his eyes and found out it was more difficult than usual, he knew that it was gonna be another _bad day_. After a few years experiencing this, he wasn't surprised at all. But that didn't mean that he was okay with this; he was so tired, so exhausted. He wanted so desperately to be okay, it was eating him alive.

“Hey, Oikawa, are you ready to go?” His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his boyfriend. Iwaizumi stood at his door, his smile vanishing once he set his eyes on the brunet boy. He dropped his bag to the floor, not caring how it landed, crossed the room and sat on the edge of Tooru's bed. Oikawa was covered by way too many blankets, and only his messy curls and tired, red eyes could be seen. Hajime started caressing his hair, and lowered the blankets so he could see his face and talk to him properly. Tooru rolled hesitantly and faced Hajime without meeting his gaze. 

But, even if he didn't say a word, the shorter boy knew what was going on. He was used to this, after all, they had known each other forever, and he had been there when this started to happen. 

He remembers too clearly the day when he discovered what was really going on with his best friend, why he had been acting so strangely for weeks, showing that fake smile of his way too often, even when the both of them were alone, doing homework in Hajime's room after a long practice. But that fateful day had been different. And not necessarily a good different, no. A different that turned their lifes upside down; that changed their relationship forever.

* * *

_Hajime wasn't going to deny it. He was truly worried. Since when did Oikawa Tooru, the obsessed-with-volleyball Oikawa Tooru skip practice? He knew his friend wasn't sick, as they had gone to school together that day. But when Hajime entered the gym and saw it empty, he was shocked: Oikawa was always the first to go to practice, and when the rest of the team showed up in the gym, he would be already sweating, after practicing his killer serves._

_Iwaizumi's worry only seemed to grow as the practice was coming to an end and Oikawa still hadn't set his foot in the gym. Once the coach told them to clean up, the boy packed his stuff as quick as he could and run to his friend's house to see what was going on._

_Tooru's mother opened the door, and offered him a knowing smile.“Tooru is in his room; he said he was feeling a bit sick so he came home earlier. Go upstairs, I'm sure he will feel a bit better when he sees you.”_

_Iwaizumi nooded and went upstairs, as fast as his legs let him after coming all the way from running (and Oikawa's house wasn't exactly a stone's throw away from school). He knocked on the door, but he was met with silence. Quietly, he opened the door._

_And then his heart broke and he stiffened. In front of his eyes, Oikawa Tooru laid in bed, only wearing a shirt and boxers, woken up by the sound of Iwaizumi's books falling to the floor; his eyes then went wide once he realized what was happening, and he tried to cover his thighs; his scar-covered thighs, now painfully bleeding. But it was too late, and he knew it._

_“Iwa-...Hajime, no, it's not wha-”_

_“No, stop right there, or course it's what I think” Iwaizumi's voice was filled with shock and an overwhelming worry, and he could feel his eyes watering-. “Of course I know it's what I think, and I wish it wasn't” He stepped inside the room, closing the door, and run to hug his friend. “Why, why are you doing this? I knew you were acting weird, but...I couldn't imagine this, shit, I'm so sorry for not noticing.” He clenched his fists out of anger and hopelessness, and the tears started falling._

_Oikawa was trembling under his arms, having started sobbing once he saw the scared look in Iwaizumi's eyes. His friend rubbed his back, not knowing what to say at all, still not fully processing the scene._

_“I-I just...I don't know. I guess I reached my breaking point, Iwa-chan. I'm not good enough, I'm a failure, I will never be able to make my parents happy again, my father hasn't talked to me since I came out to him, my mother and him fight each other almost every day because of it, I know I've disappointed them, and I'm not good enough at volleyball to make up for it, I will never be, th-they will always be better than me, not matter how much...how much I try” Oikawa's words were muffled by a loud sob, and Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around him tigher._

_“I'm tired, Hajime. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of pretending to be happy all the time, because I don't want to make you worry about me, I don't deserve it.”_

_Iwaizumi swore he could hear his own heart breaking again after hearing the desperate words coming from his friend. He always knew Oikawa felt inferior to his rivals, and about his family's current situation, but he couldn't even imagine that it was causing his best friend to feel this hopeless. And he knew he wanted to help, he wanted to make Tooru feel loved, wanted, better.  
He broke the hug and looked at his friend in the eye, wiping away his tears._

_“Oikawa...I know you probably won't believe me because you're way too stubborn for your own good, but I've known you for years and I can promise you that you are none of those things. Please, trust me, you are good enough for me, you are good enough for your friends, for the team. I know the situation with your parents is bad, I won't sugarcoat it, but I'm sure everything will be solved in the end, and if your dad keeps ignoring you, then it will be his loss, and he will be the one who doesn't deserve you, okay?”_

_Tooru looked at him, astonished, taken aback by his words. “You are an amazing person, even if you act like a jerk sometimes, but I know that's not the real you, and we love you either way. You are good enough, and you know what? Fuck people like Ushiwaka; they might be a natural at the sport, but you know what is like to work hard to achieve something, and that is so fucking inspiring. You are the best example for the younger members of the team, you knew that, right? You hard work is admirable,and that's an amazing thing to be proud of. Please, never feel like all your effort is being a waste of time, because you have helped a lot of people without realizing it.”_

_Oikawa started crying again, but this time, his tears weren't so desperate, so sad. “Th-thank you, Hajime...I still can't believe most of this, but...I'll try my best”. Iwaizumi smiled at bit, making sure to reassure him that everything was gonna be okay. He knew that he wasn't the best with words, so he was glad his little speech at least calmed his friend down. He got up and went to his friend's bathroom, not saying a word, and came back with the first-aid kit in his hands._

_“And Tooru...please, promise me you won't do this to yourself again...call me or text me when you feel down, I will come if you need me to, okay? You don't deserve this at all” he said, struggling to find the right words while he was desinfectating his friend self-inflicted wounds. He looked away for a second a noticed a small blade in the bedside table. “I'm throwing this away”. Oikawa nooded, staring with too much interest at the posters in his walls._

_When Hajime finished, he sent a text to his mother to let her know that he was staying at Oikawa's, and got into the bed with his friend, taking him into his arms, whispering little “you're good enough, okay?” and “we'll find a way for you to be okay, I promise you that” over and over, and then, when Oikawa was dozing off, and he was also nearly closing his eyes, he felt Oikawa shifting beside him, turning his body to face him...and then pressing his lips against his, soft, trembling after the previous tears._

_Hajime felt something explode inside of him, and he couldn't keep his underlying feelings for his best friend at ease anymore...he kissed him back, as tenderly as he could, feeling tears coming from the other boy's eyes. He pressed his lips harder, deepening the kiss, putting all his love in it, and gently caressed Tooru's cheeks, trying to erase the tears with his fingers. Tooru was the first to broke the kiss, looking at him as if he was his whole universe, and Iwaizumi could feel himself staring at him the same way, because hell, Oikawa was his whole universe and he couldn't imagine living without him at his side. He was in love with him, he had been for a long time, and he wasn't going to give up on him._

_“Thank you for being there for me, Iwa-chan...” Oikawa said, finally letting the exhaustation get over him, and he quickly fell asleep under Iwaizumi's embrace.  
“Everything will be okay...I will make sure of it, I promise you” His soft words found their seal with a lovingly kiss against Tooru's forehead, and the shorter boy closed his eyes and also felt asleep soon after, following his example._

* * *

After those events, Iwaizumi convinced Tooru to tell his mother about his struggles and feelings, and he started going to therapy sessions. They really helped him, and he was glad for that. Iwaizumi helped him a lot too, and now that they were finally dating, everything seemed a bit brighter for Tooru. But in his recovery, he still had bad days, days like this one, when he couldn't get himself out of bed, drained of all energy; when his insecurities and thoughts were eating him, bringing him down. And on those days, Iwaizumi understood him, on the contrary of what Tooru's own thoughts were whishpering inside his brain, and was ready to make him feel worthy of love.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, with the most comforting voice he could articulate. He knew the answer beforehand, as Tooru almost never talked about his feelings when he was having one of these days, but he also knew that asking this seemed to comfort his boyfriend, as if it shut down those voices inside his head telling him that nobody truly cared about him, that it was all for show. 

As a confirmation, Tooru formed a small yes with his lips, and Hajime nodded. “Okay then, but you're gonna get out of that bed, I don't care if you don't want to. We're gonna go to the living room and watch your favourite alien movie, okay? And I'm gonna make you some food, you'll feel better after eating, I promise. C'mon, let's go”. Iwaizumi helped his boyfriend to get up, and offering him his hand, he guided him to the living room. Oikawa sat down on their sofa, a small smile trying to appear on his face. Iwaizumi kissed his forehead with adoration and promised to come back in five minutes.

After heating some instant ramen (because, in all honestly, he couldn't cook at all and he didn't want to burn their kitchen), he went back to their living room and found that Oikawa had already put the movie on and was waiting for him, his favourite blanket over his lap. Iwaizumi smiled and offered the food to his boyfriend, then sat next to him. Once they finished the ramen, Iwaizumi held Tooru close, playing with his hair, not really paying attention to the movie, because, honestly, how could one pay attention to that when, in his arms, he was holding the most beautiful and admirable person he knew? The one person he loved the most in the world, his whole universe? 

“Hajime...you didn't have to skip college for me again, your classes are more important” Oikawa broke the silence that followed the end of the movie. Iwaizumi shook his head, imagining that he would say something like that. “I don't want to interrupt your life this much...”

“You're not interrupting my life, Tooru, never for a moment believe that, because _you_ are my life, and you are way more important than my classes. I can live without going to class, I'm doing fine and I can ask for notes later; but I cannot live without you, nothing can replace you, okay? I will be by your side every time you need me, because I love you, and you deserve all the love this world can offer. It's the least I could do for you.”

Oikawa's eyes widened, and soon they were starting to get wet with tears. “I truly don't deserve you, Iwa...I don't know what I've do without you...I love you so much that I scare myself sometimes.” He ended his words with a small, teary laugh, and Iwaizumi's chest filled with love, as his boyfriend hugged him tight.

“Well, it's good then that I don't plan on leaving you, so you will never find out...I love you way too much, Tooru, with all your flaws, because you are worth being loved, even if those nasty voices tell you the opposite...I will remind you as many times as you need it.” 

Oikawa lifted his head at his words and they kissed again, like those years ago, feelings pouring out of their lips, hands reassuring, keeping him on the ground, Iwaizumi's soft lips slowly but steadily kissing all his insecurities away, making him feel worth something, comforting him.

He knew he was still gonna have bad days like this one, but he also knew that Hajime would be there for him, and that, in the end, everything would be okay, and that gave him a growing feeling of hope. He was gonna fight, because he had the love of his whole universe, and he knew he wasn't alone, not anymore.


End file.
